


What The Fork?

by WitchBoyWriter



Series: The Good Place AU [1]
Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series), The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - The Good Place (TV) Fusion, Comedy, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmates, Spoilers: The Good Place, Teacher Shane Madej, Youtuber Ryan Bergara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-14 14:04:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14137557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchBoyWriter/pseuds/WitchBoyWriter
Summary: "Um, so who was right? I mean about all of this?""Well, let's see. Hindus are a little bit right, Muslims a little bit. Jews, Christians, Buddhists, every religion guessed about 5%, except for Doug Forcett.""Who's Doug Forcett?""Well, Doug was a stoner kid who lived in Calgary during the 1970s. One night, he got really high on mushrooms, and his best friend, Randy, said, "Hey, what do you think happens after we die?" And Doug just launched into this long monologue where he got like 92% correct. I mean, we couldn't believe what we were hearing."--The Good Place, S1E1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This needed to be done. My other fics are on hiatus while I write this instead.

_ Welcome! Everything is fine. _

 

Ryan reads the large text on the wall a few times, until he’s convinced of its message. Everything  is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything  _ is  _ fine! He’s sitting on a comfortable couch in…. Some kind of waiting room. His clothes are comfortable, his mind is clear, and…. Everything is fine. He tries to recall how he ended up in this room, but the last thing he remembered was heading to that Waverly place...

 

A door on the left of the room opens, and a man smiles out at him. 

 

“Ryan Bergara? Come on in.” Ryan gets up, heading into the office. The man gestures to a chair. “Have a seat.” he says, sitting in his own chair. Ryan listens, sitting in the chair. “Now… you’re probably wondering what’s going on…” Ryan nods. “You… for lack of better terms… are dead.”

 

“Okay. Uh… how… did I die?” Great. The first thing he says, and it’s that. Very eloquent. “And where am I, and who are you?”

 

“You… fell down an elevator shaft.” Oh. “And rest assured, you are in the good place. Your work with the homeless in India assured that.” Ryan lets out a relieved sigh, before processing what the guy said. Wait, what work with the homeless? 

 

He decides not to bring it up... At least he wasn’t in Hell… The man continues. “And I’m Eugene. I’m in charge of this neighborhood. Any other questions?” Ryan shakes his head. “Great! Then follow me, and I’ll take you to your house.” He stands, heading towards the door, and beckons Ryan to follow him. 

 

When they get outside, Ryan looks around. The ‘neighborhood’ looked right out of a storybook village. The only thing weird was that… every restaurant appeared to be a hot dog place. Which was totally fine, Ryan loved hot dogs. But that seemed like a lot. 

 

As he and Eugene walk, he can hear the taller man talking to him, but isn’t 100% listening. Mostly just taking in the sights. All the houses looked… amazing. Eventually, they get to a modest victorian-esque house. Was  _ that  _ Ryan’s? It looked…haunted.  “Is this… mine?” 

 

“Yep, sure is. We make sure everyone’s house is specifically catered to their own preferences and interests.” Eugene strides through the front door of the house, and Ryan follows. Oh, man. The inside looked more haunted than the outside… “For example, we know you loved antiques, and taxidermy. I hope you’ll find the decor appropriate.” Ryan looks around the house, peeking into a room that looked like… a sitting room, maybe…? And… oh, God. That was a giant bear head on the wall. Jesus Christ. He forces a smile.

 

“It’s perfect, thank you.” he says, and Eugene looks pleased. 

 

“Great. Just a few more things. The first,” He turns away from Ryan, calling out into the house while Ryan looks on, bewildered. “Zach!” There’s a soft pop, and a man pops up in front of Ryan, making him jump. 

 

“Hi! I’m Zach.” he says, giving Ryan a wide smile. “I’m here to answer any and all questions you might have, and make your eternal existence here as enjoyable as possible!”Ryan smiles back at Zach, hoping it didn’t look as awkward as he felt. Eugene steps forward, speaking up. 

 

“Zach is a… database of sorts.” He explains, and Zach smiles, and nods.

 

“I know  _ everything. _ ” He adds. “So if you have any questions, just say my name and I’ll be here!” He pops out of existence as quickly as he popped in. Ryan, still trying to process everything, says nothing, just stares at the spot where Zach was.

 

“Alright, next order of business. Your soulmate.” Eugene’s words snap Ryan out of his confused staring, and snap him into confused shock.

 

“Wait, I have a  _ soulmate _ ?” he replies, and Eugene nods.

 

“Yep, everyone does.” Eugene looks down at his watch. “And he should be here any… minute… now…” There’s a knock on the door as soon as he finishes talking. “Ah! There he is!” He heads over to answer the door, Ryan watching on. When the door opens, he looks up… and up… and up his apparent soulmate’s body. Wow, that was a tall dude. And… a dude? Unexpected, but alright. On the man’s face there was probably the softest grin Ryan had ever seen, and he had to admit his heart melted a little. 

 

“Hey! I’m Shane, and I guess I’m your soulmate!” Ryan can’t help but grin back at him. 

 

“I’m Ryan. Nice to meet you.” Shane steps into the house, looking around. 

 

“Hey, this actually looks pretty similar to my house.” Oh, God. Of course. Shane is a soulmate for whoever Eugene  _ thinks _ Ryan is. Not for who Ryan  _ actually  _ is. This absolutely wouldn’t work. 

 

“Well, you two take some time to get to know each other! There’s a town meeting tonight, but if you need anything before then, go ahead and call Zach. He’ll answer any questions you have.” Eugene smiles and waves, before leaving the two men alone in Ryan’s probably haunted house. Could it still be haunted if they were in the afterlife?

 

“I’m uh… glad you like the house. I think it looks kinda creepy, like it might be haunted or something.” Ryan says, shifting a bit awkwardly. Shane laughs. 

 

“Ghosts aren’t real, Ryan.” He says, pointedly. Oh man. This definitely wasn’t going to work. “Besides. We’re dead! Nothing could haunt us here even if ghosts did exist.” Ryan has to admit, that was a bit reassuring. “Should we sit somewhere and… get to know each other a little?” Shane suggests, and Ryan nods. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” He heads into the only room besides the entry he had seen yet which was unfortunately… the bear room. Ugh. He sits on one of the sofas, gesturing for Shane to sit across from him. “You can go ahead and go first.” Shane nods, and sits.

 

“Okay, uh… I’m Shane Madej. I was born in Illinois, and I dedicated my life to teaching history and uncovering truths.” Uncovering truths? That sounded a little pretentious, and also like maybe Ryan would have to keep his secret, maybe…

 

“Uncovering truths? What if you had to… lie to protect someone?” He asks, hoping it wasn’t painfully obvious what he was doing. Shane shrugs. 

 

“I could definitely do that, loyalty is important.” Ryan sighs in relief.

 

“Great. Then I need you to keep what I tell you next totally secret. Can you do that?” Shane nods. “Okay, good.” Ryan takes a deep breath, before continuing. “There’s definitely been some mistake. I don’t think I’m supposed to be here. The things Eugene told me about myself aren’t true about me. I’ve never done any charity work, never left the United States, and… I forking hate this house.” Wait, fork? That definitely wasn’t what Ryan meant to say... Could he not swear here? Great.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re annoying.” Ryan tells Shane, and Shane just laughs in response. Which is even more annoying. Ryan groans. “You’re making it worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you expect me to update this quickly regularly, you're gonna be disappointed.

Shane is laughing. Why is Shane laughing? Ryan frowns, crossing his arms. “I’m serious.” He says, and Shane keeps laughing. Ryan sighs, waiting for him to finish.

 

It takes a minute, but Shane calms down, finally replying to Ryan. “Okay, okay. You’re serious. The Ryan that Eugene thinks exists…. Doesn’t. Or if he does, it isn’t you… You don’t think that’s funny? Because I think it’s  _ hilarious _ , honestly. This place is supposed to be perfect. Obviously it’s not as perfect as it could be, because… you being here is obviously a major fork-up.” Shane frowns. “Gotta get used to the ‘no swearing’ thing…” Ryan sighs. 

 

“It’s  _ not _ funny! What if I’m taking this spot away from someone else?” His voice is strained as he considers it. Shane shrugs.

 

“I’m sure if there’s another Ryan Bergara who’s in The Bad Place, he’s fine. I mean, how bad can it be, anyway? Oh! Or, maybe he’s also in The Good Place, and your files just got swapped. I mean… you weren’t a terrible person or anything, were you…?” 

 

“I mean, I don’t think so? I guess I was pretty mediocre… I ran a YouTube channel about the paranormal...” Shane laughs softly at that, but Ryan ignores him. “It was called ‘Unsolved.’ I… did trespass a few times.” Ryan admits. “So, if there’s another Ryan Bergara… he’s definitely in my spot in The Bad Place…” He puts his head in his hands. “I should tell Eugene, shouldn’t I?” 

 

“I mean, I won’t rat you out. Nobody’s perfect. You just need to… act like you belong here.”

 

Ryan gives Shane a skeptical look. “Are you sure  _ you _ belong here? That wasn’t a very ‘Good’ thing to say.” he points out, and Shane grins, shrugging.

 

“Hey, the facts Eugene knew about me were definitely about me. I’d argue that helping you out is a very good thing to do.” Ryan rolls his eyes. God, Shane was annoying. 

 

“You’re annoying.” Ryan tells Shane, and Shane just laughs in response. Which is even more annoying. Ryan groans. “You’re making it worse.” 

 

“Hey, I’m covering your ash, d’you really want to keep insulting me.” The words sound like a warning, but there’s absolutely no malice in Shane’s voice. Ryan stops harassing him anyway, just rolling his eyes.  

 

“Okay, but what if this is a test? What if he’s waiting for me to tell him there was a mistake, and if I tell him I’ll get to stay here, but if I don’t, I’ll get sent to The Bad Place?” Ryan stands up, pacing. “Or maybe I’m totally wrong, and I’ll get sent to The Bad Place if I tell him. Maybe it really was just a mistake! In that case I probably  _ shouldn’t  _ tell him, if I’m think about myself… But maybe there’s another Ryan, who’s spot I’m stealing... “ He takes a deep breath. “But maybe The Bad Place isn’t actually that bad! Maybe it’s just… not great. Like working retail.” He looks over at Shane, who was watching him with an amused expression.

 

“You done?” He asks. Ryan frowns at him. 

 

“This is serious.” He chastizes, “What do you think I should do? You’re the one who’s actually supposed to be here, right?” He comes back to his seat, looking at Shane hopefully. Shane makes a dramatic contemplative face, which was obnoxious. “I know you’re not really thinking that hard about it. Stop forking with me.” God, the no swearing thing made him sound like an idiot. He hated it.

 

“Well, if it were me, I’d probably pretend I belong here, unless I knew The Bad Place wasn’t all that bad.” He says. “Wait! I’ve got an idea. Zach?” he calls. Zach pops up in front of Shane, and both he and Ryan jumped. 

 

“Hi! What can I do for you?” he asks, smiling at Shane.

 

“Hey, Zach… you don’t tell Eugene what we talk about, right?” He asks, and Zach shakes his head.

 

“Nope! Everything is purely confidential.” He assures, and Shane nods. 

 

“Okay. Great. Can you tell us about The Bad Place?” he asks, and Zach shakes his head. 

 

“That’s actually the one thing I can’t talk to you about. But I can play this brief audio clip of what’s happening there right now!” He grins, and Shane nods. 

 

“Yeah. Do that.” Zach clears his throat and nods. He opens his mouth, and the sound of several voices screaming in pain and fear fills the room. Ryan winces. He definitely didn’t want to be there. The screaming stops, and Shane nods. “Okay. Well, Ryan, now you know what The Bad Place is like.” He turns to Zach. “Thanks, that’s all we needed.”

 

“Great! Happy to help!” He pops out of exsistence. 

 

“Okay. So I’m  _ definitely _ not turning myself in…” Ryan says. “Because that didn’t sound ‘not so bad’. That sounded…. very bad.” Shane nods in agreement. 

 

“Yeah… probably a good idea. So what’s the plan? Pretend to be this other Ryan forever?” he asks, and Ryan sighs, running a stressed hand through his hair, and shrugging. 

 

“I guess I don’t have another choice, right?” his voice is strained. This didn’t feel great. Shane nods. 

 

“Great. I’m in. I’ll help you.” He says. He’s smiling proudly, like he’d just volunteered to adopt an orphanage and was humbly accepting praise. Ryan ignores that. 

“Thank you.” He says. And he  _ is _ honestly grateful, Shane is just…. Obnoxious. “I appreciate the help.” 

 

Luckily, there’s a knock on the door before Shane can say anything else. Ryan looks up in surprise, before getting up to answer it. Shane follows him. When he opens the door, there’s a young man a bit taller then Ryan, with carefully styled platinum hair and an outfit somewhere between ‘K-Pop Star’ and ‘Highschool boy’ on the other side of the door, smiling warmly. “Hi! I’m Steven, your neighbor! I wanted to invite you to my ‘Welcome to the Neighborhood’ party tonight.”

 

“Oh, wow. Uh, thank you.” Ryan smiles back. “I’m Ryan, and this is my… soulmate, Shane.” He turns to Shane, who shrugs at him before turning to Steven.

  
“We’ll definitely be there.” He says, flashing a grin that Ryan would never admit was actually pretty charming. 


End file.
